Maldon Mud Race 2007

As a sailboat racer who took part in the H.B.S.C. mud race in which the pulling or pushing of a 14 foot 100 kilo wooden sailing dinghy from the channel to the wooden slip was part of the event! The site of 181 assorted Palm Trees, Horses, Wonder women, Batmen, clowns and jail birds eager to race round a 400 yard course through 3 feet of beautiful blue mud with a silky brown topping, passing across the Maldon creek on their way out and the return (at low water) has a sobering enlightenment not dissimilar to cold jelled eels.
Essex Radio (event link) doing the verbals inadvertently were involved in a premature start (that no way was to be restarted!) with the promoting of a Mexican Wave “you ready at the left hand end - on the count of three…1 2 3” and a 181 competitors run into the mud. Cheered on by the crowded promenade.

The radio bloke did not know whether to call them back or run and hide. But it did not matter a didley-scott. It was a sight to see the winner step out a bit lively (just walking at times) and cross the finish line hardly mudded, playing the rich get richer card known so well in sailboat racing (a tad boring it could be said) second place had been held by a chap who tried the Penguin style of sliding across the ice propelled by the feet. Sadly this does not work on Maldon Mud and looked seriously life threatening.

He was absorbed by the pursuing mid fleet pack. It would appear that for most spreading the body weight on all fours is a worthy option (not a winning move but you do stay on the top of the mud) for those in the middle to the back! Well if you like mud you have got it, but no worries the rescue team is on hand, with rope, and with the careful passing of rope under submersed body parts you can be extracted before dark. I fear no money was raised in the infamous Merlin mud race where as thousands of pounds come from this event.

This ends sailing reports for this year on the Blackwater River, but do not despair next weekend starts a new year and the Blackwater Icicle Trophy at Maylandsea Bay - an early start 10:00 on a 5.02m tide. The race committee tell me that there are some special features to the event “I just can’t wait” now read on dit dit dit.

Zilch plus fog at Icebreaker Trophy, Hullbridge

As the moon sunk into the frozen mist the signs were not good, the forecast was that a light breeze would back from NW to S! Only the keen removed ice from the windscreens. As it transpired sight of the north bank through the fog was a dream and a small fleet struggled with those miserable little split rings as the masts were stood and the frozen fog-let drops glistening in the rigging, hope was still high in the Merlin fleet that things could only get better.
It was good to see boats from Stone S.C. Creek-sea and Marconi S.C.’s and there was talk of a course to be set up river, but sadly it was a non-starter and Mathew Picket heading the race team threw in the towel. If there was a winner it had to be Lorna having been as good as can be and shiny as a Chrimbo fairy lit up Charles D’s eyes as she explained just what a performer she was in the front end of a Merlin and how lucky Jacko was to ride side-saddle behind her. By this time the tide had turned the fog had set in heavier and there was no sign of any wind.
The next race is The Blackwater Icicle on the 6 of Jan. starting at 10:00
Will the Fireballers make the start line? Will Batty fit in a boat at all? Will Ron hang out as a crew? Will Shed-burner sail his Laser or will he have been employed and be working for Mr Branson? Will Pies have recovered from a Christmas of arm wrestling? And what is this new and wondrous beer in the bar at Maylandsea Bay? And why is Lenny so happy? All will be revealed! Merry Chrimbo, now read on dit dit dit

picture below Simon and Pies Merlin 3230

Thrills and spills end the Maylandsea Bay Winter Series

As luck would have it a window of calm passed over Maylandsea Bay giving the fleet chance to sail out races 7 and 8 of the winter series. By the time the 13 competing boats had rounded race marks 0, 1, and Spit the wind, SW at 18 knots puffing 24 knots, was sorting the partygoers from the dedicated yachters. The race box with a wish to please the gathered club elder’s set a mean short distance course around race marks in sight of the club veranda (a totally inappropriate action rendering the club elders rocking with laughter as they consumed coffees and then beers).
The broad reach to the jibe at race mark 3 gave the fleet a chance to demonstrate just how good they were and with the water being pleasantly flat, for wind over tide, and the cubic whammies roaring through the ‘ease and foot’ mode of sailing tested all. Also the jibe thwackingly good boom verses crew movement, with no chance of the kite collapsing without error, was a site to behold.
The rounding at the bottom of race mark 4 and feeling the full on force of the wind, the spray biting into your woolly hat and the sudden realisation that it was not that far too the top, did have a happy bunny feel to it. The windward leg itself was also a test with sudden backing shifts as the squalls whipped through.
With darkening skies and the wind building, race 8 was too be the race to win to win the series as Keith having scored a 2nd in race 7 was now a point down on Jacko and Lorna. It was at this point that Martin Tarling woke up, wining the start and building a good lead. Keith followed on around marks 0, 1, Spit, 3 and 4 and onto the up hill leg. Martin, hugging the saltings out of the tide on the north side, was overtaken as Keith gritted his teeth, sat out hard and belted through the outward going tide.
Keith toughed it out to win the race and the series for the second year and only had the smallest of moans about having to use his better sail!


For Jacko and Lorna sailing around in a mist off bubbly and party hats, that was not what put them 7 seconds short on elapsed time to win but a poor start and the tactical decision to sail out the tide with more tacks on the north side, as opposed to backing the corners with less tacks. But Jacko still claming to be an athlete, was also seen to be looking deeply into the eyes of Lorna and asking just how many bottles had been drunk.

Roger Smith in a Solo put a brilliant series together to finish 3rd overall showing that a man in his prime does not come in young trousers but does stay upright as others lie with the fishes. A truly well sorted performance sailed in the toughest of conditions
Martin in his laser had his moments, stayed the distance and was not fazed by Paul Weeden’s one-smarty-pants outing winning race 6, finished every race, always in the top 6 boats, may feel a tad robbed by the tie breaking rule, finished 4th overall
Notables: The Splat the Duck competition has never been so well competed for with dozens of nominations. In 3rd place Kevin and Nick sailing a Fireball had one too many dippings to keep on smiling/competing and pulled out of swimming/sailing altogether. Ron and Laura put in a serious bid with the flip-flop multi capsizes on more than one occasion and landings on the salting, plus gulping mouthfuls of salt water to finish 2nd. But much to their dismay a late all encompassing challenge on the last race day blew them all way. Peter Playle in a Laser with 7 varied and truly wish I was not here “why me God” splattering, plus rounding a mark not in the course and the thwacking of a support boat with an immediate capsize trying to escape verbal, won the prize out right

This has been an outstanding winter series and a credit to all that have sailed in her and on behalf of the competitors I would like to thank M.B.S.C. and the support boat crews for time spent in the wet, cold and windy conditions looking out for those needing their help; the Ladies that ran the galley for their warm words of support given, plus the tea and coffee, bacon and sausage rolls. The Race Box men for giving outstanding entertainment to the club member audience.
The next club race is the Blackwater Icicle on the 6th of Jan. Start at 10:00 all welcome
The next club series is to start on the 10th Feb. some 9 weeks away. This saddens me greatly as to be in the company of sailors who are happy to turn upside down in the water and jump into the saltings, plus the armchair champions telling of races won and lost, the sounds of the wading birds and the sight of the incoming tide as the days get longer is why I belong to a sailing club on one of the most rewarding rivers in the UK. The reader will need to watch the space as a new plot is formed to expand sailing pleasure and delay the house decorating yet farther. I have no doubt that Mr Wigg and I will be heading to Hythe Key for lunch or Heybridge for breakfast at the first opportunity.
Thanks to Richard and Nick for time spent sending the pictures
here are the Results Now read on dit dit dit

Was Muffin The Mule’s mate called Oswald?

Life in the Dog and Duck can get exiting; a wonderful selection of real ales and a splendid menu puts a good end on the sailing day.
It came to pass that in a complicated conversation on the desirability of Andy Pandy’s jimjams and his relationship with Loopy Loo, stripes vertical or horizontal (as worn) could not have been more misleading, for as another log was placed on the open fire and Wiggy’s eyes slowly developed a glazed over shine “more Beer” as light filtered through the emptying glasses leaving an odd pattern on Jacko’s brow. “We’re not to have the Regatta stuff or the one with strawberries in” The wooden beams have been there from the time of Cromwell! But they are as hard now as when new - Jacko’s bonce having been soaked in brine only that very day and losing the well recognizable woolly hat to the fishes looked a tad spent. Fending off the eye of the barmaid and feeling the heat from the open fire blurted out “sod Andy Pandy, what of Muffin The Mule?” a response rippled around the bar. It appears Muffin the Mule is well known and well thought of in this pub. The conversation grew louder and it transpired that Muffin’s mate was called Oswald…. By this time the red onion had taken effect, more beer required and the slight smell of burning followed Jacko to the window. Wiggy was exercising in the boys’ room and the barmaid had the green money tin in her grasp. It must be said that both Wiggy and Jacko are flattered that they are made welcome and being recognized and in turn they have never thrown up or fallen over in the car park. So the question is: did Muffin the Mule have a friend? Was he called Oswald? And what was Oswald? Does any bloke drink strawberry beer? Has any one understood how fragile the life of a woolly hat can be?
Twirling low-pressure systems to the north could possibly put a wet end on the winter series. Now that’s better than talk of land yachting. Next race Sunday 9th at 10:00.