Up River Ice Breaker - Simon pulls the full monty

A light shifty north wind trembled its way across a soft flooding tide as a hardy bunch of older sailing warriors sized up the competition which gathered at the Up River Yacht Club’s annual running of the Chrimbo Ice Breaker.

It is a sad fact that the norm is that the local sailing clubs that are left sailing at this time of the year have no worries about loosing competitors and scheduling big races on the same day as others, but hayho someone slipped up this year and we found ourselves with the opportunity to take part in a race with a fine pedigree and years of history.

With the grey skies and muddy brown water it all looked a bit glum. The wind now NW-NE, 0.5 to 3 knots with little umph in it set the pace.

Ben Harris ‘Phantom’ won the start, sadly for Ben having only sailed a Phantom 4 times had not perfected the boat-rocking twitch that usually worked so well with the wobble lower lip, and lost the lead to Ian and Tina ‘N12’. Ian, a sailing wardrobe of technique and wizardry, having folded himself into the Nat. 12 looked mean and ready to take on Gerry and Liz also sailing a Nat.12. It must be said that the years of sailing experience on the Crouch in the first six boats was truly awesome and not a smile between them. Somewhere behind the river sounds you could just hear that slight raw of untapped encouragement that Andy Biddle would have rung out, terrifying in it limitless supply and crushing any idea of a sharp sailing tactical manoeuvre or even a maybe I could tack. And as Ian and Tina travelled up to the first turning mark in the lead on the flooding tide, Jacko and Simon once more tried to unfathom the ridiculous mess that Jacko had made of rigging the spinnaker, involving the downhaul, jib sheets and pole snodger. Simon, having enjoyed the quick reversal of crewing roles that Jacko throws out with no warning whatsoever, failed to move into the helming position and now finding twenty fingers around one small three mill Dyneema knot in a string attached to the spinnaker downhaul patch/jib sheets and snodger, asked if the wind that now was on the wrong side of the jib meant that a tack was required. Jacko remembered that maybe Andy’s cry of “stuff off” did not quite hit the pitch that Lorna could render “JACKO” in a Jacko senior moment and that Jacko (we feel) is warming to the quiet calm that comes from Simon not being too familiar with sailboat racing and a helm total cockup.

Ian and Tina gently slipped around the now parked support boat as the first mark to be rounded had been hived off by the icepacks in the previous weeks freeze-up conditions with Jacko and Simon close behind. History between Jacko and Ian would indicate that Jacko was about to get taken all over the river and more likely halfway up the sea wall in an attempt to pass down wind against the tide.  It could be that Ian has mellowed with the passing of time and Pico sailing.  There was no tactical jibe to starboard to test Simon’s spinnaker work and a crash jibe and Jacko passed to leeward in an uncommonly gentlemanly fashion.

Bastard Point

At this point the wind died to1 or less knots as the fleet bunched up off of Fen creek. Ian was the first to set the pace and cross to the south side before the club slipway (a move frowned on by club elders) Gerry and Liz leading the pack toughed it out, hugging to the north bank also to eventually cross. Jacko and Simon with a small lead hugged on the north side (for far too long, according to the watching club elders) but in a shift of the wind, jibed and headed hard to the south bank to re-jibe and prey for a bit more wind. There follow some gamey windward protection work in the leaders of the pack giving Jacko just a chance to coolly put in some space as they passed Brandy Hole.

As the fleet eventually rounded Stow Post to return to the club line to finish it was still race on with Gerry and Liz comfortable in second place, a good space to Ian and Tina in third and Ben fourth, as Jacko headed up and rounded the last corner the tide was ebbing with the wind still horribly light and bang on the nose, but slowly the race went Jacko’s way as he squeezed the leeward south bank putting in the occasional tack to avoid the walking seagulls, to take the bullet.

Ian and Tina taking advantage of a lift passed Gerry and Liz to be second with Gerry and Liz third.
This was a disappointingly light, grey day only lit by the smile in Simon’s face as had pulled the full monty with some excellent mastery of the spinnaker in light airs and Jacko’s odd rigging of the boat.

The full results, when posted
Next race day 9th Jan.

Winter solstice and the throwing in of the towel

Grimly harsh cold with 6 to 8 knots buffing 10 from the north and a lovely white coat of freshly laid snow set the scene as the Essex sailing world threw in the towel.
The winter solstice fell two days later and one has to ask why a sailing club would set a 9:00 start with a 10:40 HW? That in itself would write off half a sailboat fleet on a good day, just add minus 8.0 on the wind chill dial as opposed to shut eye and a cuddly woman and it’s end of series, game over.

IOS S.C. webcam



The day looked beautiful from the inside, the sun came out, the gulls drifted by and we looked at the white shiny snow covering the slipway with not one foot print in it and our thoughts went to the results.

With no elapsed or corrected time available it is anyone’s guess as to how the series was won; whether it was well sorted or really close.



Brightlingsea S.C. webcam

Richard sailing a RS700 is the winner scoring 2,1,2, but sailing of a PY of 875, which removes 1 minute 16 seconds off his elapsed time in every hour. But it is Christmas and we should wish him well.

The Fireballers Mark and Nigel scoring 1,3,DNC were 2nd with Martin and Tony 3,2,5, taking 3rd and it looked like the boat to sail if you wanted a boat race with racing tactics and more place changes than you could wave a stick at.

It is with a sense of embarrassment that I write that Jacko and Simon ‘Merlin’ scoring 10,5,4, robbed Alex ‘Blaze’ scoring 5,4,DNC, of 4th place. Alex having beaten Jacko on the two occasions that they met and it seems most unfair on Alex, but sailing a Blaze of a PY of 1046, and talking to Jacko on the way round the racetrack and holding a straight face, well it is Christmas.

The Chrimbo races start on the 2nd of Jan. at Up River Y.C. at 10:30. This is something to look forward to as I am sure Mr. Little will once more try to fit into his nice, new looking N12 and tack it around Bastard Point without resisting the limerick of Jules Harms about Bells or was it Balls but it always ended late in the day with glassy looking eyes and a slight crushed sobbing sound though a empty beer glass.
The Blackwater Icicle Race hosted this year at Harlow (Blackwater) S.C. takes place on the 9th Jan. 13:30; we pray, but do know that it will not feature Bill’s odd little sound signal. It is a shame that BSC is starts it’s Frostbite series on the same day.

Blackwater S.C. webcam

The questions are will it be nut removable cold, will Brightlingsea Merlin fleet feature up the river, is Maylandsea By really not going to see a Frostbite series, will Batty find a crew, will Ron use his toe straps, will Jacko get back into his wet suit post Chrimbo nosh.
Now read on dot dot dot.
B.S.C. witer results

We should be so lucky, wind chill –3.1 on the Essex Riviera

As luck would have it Sunday dawned grey and only -3.1 on the wind chill factor with 12 knots from the NW.
The Blackwater dinghy fleet was diminished to 5 boats but all were quite perky and with a sense of keenness hit the start line bang on as the flag fell.
It was Martin and Tony ‘Fireball’ that won the start with a nippy hoisting of the kite and a splurge of speed on the short hop to the Ballast Hole turning mark. Jacko and Simon should have being doing something like the same, had it not been for Jacko having a senior moment in rigging the kite, not dissimilar to a women’s shoulder strap handbag resulting in signs of a Jacko hissy fit as he lobbed the pointing stick to Simon. Simon now in his fifth week of sailing showed “cool” as Jacko made two attempts to sort the mess by which time Martin and Tony had taken to the horizon pursued by Ben sailing a Blaze.
In the time it takes the fleet to reach South Doubles navigation buoy the leading foiling moth was half way to home with the RS flying bedstead not far behind. It is sad that we find ourselves in a fleet of one offs with the business of sailboat racing being the short straw and the racing being more about error against the clock.

Martin and Tony now hard on the wind with Jacko and Simon making and losing time as the shifty wind played against the well-practised race tactics, and it was race on. As the three boats rounded Mill beach turning mark for a tight fetch up Colliers Reach there was barely six-boat lengths separation.
Martin with his lovely big round Fireball spinnaker was gagging to break it out and put in some space, and as the wind backed slightly went for the hoist. Jacko and Simon, teeth gritted and head out the boat, pushed the bow down and preyed to Mecca as they crept over to the windward side. But all this was to Ben’s favour as Jacko and Ben rounded Nav. mark Lock and Boundary with Martin now out the back door and the whites of Jacko’s eyeball well visible, Ben munched on the PY numbers to be 3rd in the race of fortune.

It was a stunning day to be out on the river with the sight of the wading birds circling over Maylandsea Bay and the empty mooring buoys twirling round the tidal flow. The clear cold winters air reward enough for the early rise.

No Racing took place at the Maylandsea Bay winter Series as it was postponed till the 19th
Maylandsea Bay winter series Results

Blackwater S.C. Results (and as I under stand it) after 3 races with 1 discard.
1st    Richard Foulds      RS700       3 points
2nd   Mark & Nigel        Fireball     4 points
3rd   Martin & Tony       Fireball     5 points
4th   Alex                      Blaze        9 points

Next race day Nov. 19th

Race Day 2 - Port raft bowled out by Fireballs

 The day started very grey and a tad nippy, with the wind northeast 10 to 15 knots. This is a pleasant change to the 15 to 25 knots and may well be the on set of winter winds.

For the third start in a row the Fireball fleet, sailing on starboard tack hard on the wind, parallel to the start line took on the flying bedstead fleet as they bore off from a gathering above the port tack lay line.
This works a bit like tenpin bowling but accompanied by panoramic sound bite of panic and mayhem, all a bit gamey, and carried out in the best of possible taste; unless of course you’re a tad late in the queue, and left to avoid the forest of long black tiller extensions shaking and waving in the wind.
I am of the option that seeming how the first mark to be rounded can be laid without a tack on port from the wind ward end of the start line, that this is all about pushing the edges and making as much fun out of what would other wise be boring start with only one place to be on the line.

The race was won by a RS700 way out on his own somewhere and I would think he had a jolly good sail around the cans.
The race from what I could see was to be had in the Fireballs with places changing and gains being made from navigation error, all eyeball to eyeball racing and Martin and Tony crossing the finish approx 8 second ahead of Mark and Nigel to be 2nd and 3rd.
There was a fleet of three Blazes, the biggest class in the race, again with place changes and Alex coming out the leading Blaze in 4th place.
Jacko and Simon are heads in the boat and working to build Simons boat handling skills. As new to sailing and Jacko’s new front end man Simon is making fast progress and was seen to be putting some good kite work together and it will not be long before Jacko sleeps down the runs once more and again relies totally on the front end man as a Minder as well as a crew. They have (I think) scored a 10th and 5th.

We have still not quite got full knowledge of the lay of the land at this new venue. It is a splendid sailing club sitting at the top of the river and has a fine view over Northy Island with Osea Island in the distance.

With a winter fleet of 14 assorted boats it has a roomy feel about it. The river is almost empty of cruisers now and there was no sign of Thames Barges or the Maldon excursion boat tripper, so I guess it is the best of times to be out on the river sailing. I miss the sounds of the wading birds but have seen the flocks glinting in the skies over Maylandsea Bay on the horizon and miss sailing out past Lawling point and Mundon Spit.

The results have not been posted as yet but I have had sight of the result sheets and it is not clear what the format is for the series but it should be 2 races sailed with no discard, although two more races have been sailed.
The result after 2 races (as I understand it)
1st    R Foulds             RS700      3 points
2nd    Mark & Nigel      Fireball    4 points
3rd    Martin & Tony     Fireball    5 points

Maylandsea Bay Winter Series Results

Next Race Day Dec. 5th

From ‘A Day in the Life’ with The Head Cam

Some time ago we started playing with the Head Cam. It did not start well as the wind chill was subzero and ate the battery life so quickly that it was dead before the starting signal fell.

Having worked out that with the batteries left hanging in a bag on the changing room radiator till the last moment before launching we could get 40 minutes before battery death; the front-end girl lasted 20 minutes longer.

It has come to pass that we have a shed load of pixels, mostly very boring but there are some fun bits, and hopefully we can edit out the embarrassing bits and make L’s gybes look brill and share them out.

This clip shows Lorna and Jacko recovering from a rubbish start as leading boat, Dean and Rob ‘Hornet’ coming up to round race mark Jetty, sadly losing out to Lorna’s wicked handling of the kite on this tight three sailed reach to race mark 4.

Q&A Lorna and Jacko did take the bullet in this race. Yes, Jacko is always as considerate and helpful whilst racing. Yes, Jacko was fully strapped out with Lorna on this reach. No, the cam shot makes it look like the boats on its ear hole, but actually it’s dead flat. “Flashing” refers to the head cam ‘on light’ and nothing to do with Jacko’s personal life. Lorna said, “eat my shorts” and is a result of string friction and pleasure.

All complaints about the posting should be addressed to shorts@blondandbeutiful.net
All cam shot footage are rights reserved.

Thanks to Jan Nuttall for the Photo

Every thing comes to change

It is within a state of disappointment that I scribble the following.
Race team Jacko-Lorna are no more. The blond by nature Essex girl has closeted her rubber suit, hung up the sailing boots and kissed goodbye to the circus.
This followed a poor set of results and a miserable performance at the nationals. The pairing had not sailed enough races this summer to stay race sharp and on the pace. Lorna has mooted that come May 2011 having completed teacher training (a shed load of written work) that she may well look to return to sailing. For Jacko this was serious bad news and opened the door to spending more time in the Slice of Bread, or the Dog and Duck. It had been the plan to move to the Blackwater S.C. for the winter sailing series. This is a tough decision as the sounds of the flocks of wading birds and sight of basking seals add to the mystique of sailing in Lawling Creek and Maylandsea Bay.

Simon the new beef cake crew

With the need for a new crew Jacko placed an advertisement at BSC and has taken up the challenge of a newbie crew, one Mr. Simon Foote. Simon is new to sailing having completed three days as a guinea pig for the chaps doing a sailing instructors course at BSC, seems to have caught the sailing bug and shows great keenness.
Jacko and Simon having now sailed on three occasions and completed four races without any real trauma in some demanding conditions are looking fairly relaxed!
This Sunday gone saw the first day of winter racing at BSC; it was supported by a small but reasonable fleet of mixed boats sailing in a handicap fleet. There were two Fireballs but as for the rest it was one offs mostly of the flying bedsteads variety. The first leg was short and to windward followed by a long reach out into the open river to round south doubles. There was quite a high dropout rate as the squalls picked off the unprepared. The course was 6.5 miles and spread over a large area making it hard to relay what happed to whom, but it was a full on race day in a shifting wind. No results have been posted at this time of writing.



Lorna  & Laura

A large dark cloud passed to the north delivering cubic whammies down the course and stretching the sail trimming to the max as an unscheduled second race following the advertised race and it is not clear how that works in the recorded results at this time.

Jacko was heard to say that he had had some exiting moments, a little to exiting at times. Maybe this is on account that Jacko has reached his 46th year again and finding him self with a young male beef cake crew may regenerate and reopen the ‘Jacko Jam Pot’ or will Simon work out that sailing with Jacko is just to dangerous to do as a six a side football team player.



Al Wigg & Jacko

Jacko has been well looked after by Lorna who showed great patience as Jacko weighed up the options of Little Beers or Wet suited sailing and is sadly missed, as she appeared to brighten up the day for more than just Jacko. As did Al Wiggy, who is not obtainable for comment at this time, and we should not forget Laura another brill front end winning crew.

The Maylandsea Bay winter series is still alive and well with 18 boats sailing on day one, again no results posted at this time but I wish them well.
Mayland Bay winter series results

Next Race Day 21st November

Summer; The Backwater “time flies by”

Poor tides and a lack of enthusiasm have taken a huge chunk out of the sailing activities in Maylandsea Bay.

Each of the sailing venues on the Blackwater is unique and have their own special attraction not leaset the characters to be found sailing at them. That’s what makes the open meetings such a challenge and fun to take part in, but sadly the opens are not well supported.

For myself a rash of unnecessaries and poor weather has rendered a miserable run of DNS's and one 6th in the Blackwater S.C. Osea Challenge, which as it turned out had nought to do with Osea Island, but it was a testing sail at one of the finest venues on the Blackwater.

The summer membership at Brightlingsea has not yet happened and the word on the slip is that fleet is upwardly mobile with it’s tail up and looking to hang on to it’s trophies and I look forward to another rendering of Mrs & Mr Gobbies sailing rules as we know it.

There is a chance that the lack of time on the water, a splendid eating holiday and much encouragement from the local wine merchant has brought me to a point where the Bottle of Red will be coming my way. As apposed to racing hard, race practice, early nights and believe that we are on a roll and in the money. It really worked and the fat man suit (Casablanca) fits really well.

Now read on dit dit dit